My Lament

 

God, where are you. I know this happens in every other country. And I know that it’s not uncommon. But I’m hurt. You are God. You sit High above the Heavens and condescend to me like a good Father. You know I am dust. You know what I can handle. I’m shook Father. I’m scared. I’m confused. I’m caught between compassion and empathy and anger and sadness. Where are you? I know you are here. But why? What am I missing? What are we missing? Please heal this pain. You always have a plan. You always have a purpose. One that glorifies you. One that ends for our good. I don’t see how you are glorified in this. How can I be a light? Where is healing? Where is the end of suffering? I know fully not in this life, but should I not pray for it now? Should I not ask you to heal? Life is lost. Anger is present. Grief is working. The enemy is active. God hide me. You are a Father, knowing His kids are frantic and fearful. You are a stronghold and tower of refuge in the time of trouble. You are a hiding place. You are a fair and just judge. Bring justice. Protect the innocent. Bring to light the guilty. Provide fairness and equality in a way the magnifies Your name. Heal our hurt; be present in our pain. Please, answer our questions; quiet our confusion; calm our doubt. We need you God. I’m listening. What are you saying? Why are you silent? Please answer. Please don’t withhold from us You. I need you. I want justice. I want your Justice. Even if that means I go too. I’m tired of justice being in the hands of sinful men including myself. I just want You. This world needs you. DFW needs you. Philando Castile’s family needs you; Alton Sterling’s family needs you. We need you. We don’t need more articles, blogs, sermons, speeches, I just want You. I gotta have You. I’m scared without you Father. I’m confused without your guidance. Make me sensitive to your prompting. Take this pain away. Heal us wholly. Complete us Father. Fill our void. Quench our sinful anger and replace it with righteous indignation. Make us care about life again. You are the bread of life and Living Water. All life starts and ends with you. Helps us see that. Helps us care. This world needs you. I need you. They need you, even if they don’t see it. Give them You even if they don’t want it. I’m tired Lord. I don’t know my
lot in the world anymore. I’m fully convinced this isn’t my home. I’m fully aware I don’t belong here. I’m here for Your sake, to shine the light you’ve given me. But I’m tired; I’m ready to leave. I’m ready to be with you. I don’t deserve to be with You but You delight over me and call me Your Inheritance. I want You. And if don’t, help me to want You. I want healing; I want justice; I want peace; I want love. And all those are found in you. Help Lord. Come Lord. Heal Lord. Provide Lord. Help.

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